如何加强家庭关系

陌上人如玉__

Parent-Child Communication Basics: An Education Program to Enhance Parent-Child Communication
亲子间沟通的基础：加强亲子沟通的教育方案
       There are many ways to define a family, but they all have one common idea: caring. Whether a particular family is a nuclear family, a stepfamily, a single-parent family, or an empty-nest family, it usually consists of related people who care about each other. Regardless of type, all families also need to be nurtured and strengthened from time to time. This publication will offer some suggestions for improving and strengthening relationships in your family.
      我们定义一个家庭有很多种方式，但他们都有一个共同的核心就是关心。无论是哪一种类型的家庭（如核心家庭、继母家庭、单亲家庭还是空巢家庭），它通常由关心彼此的亲戚组成。无论是哪种类型，所有家庭都是需要不时地得到培和加强。这篇文章将提供一些建议。 来改善和加强你的家庭关系。

What Makes a Family Strong and Successful?
是什么使一个家庭强大而成功？
There are at least five "L's" which contribute to strong family relationships.
至少有五个“L”有助于建立牢固的家庭关系。
       Learning—Families are where we learn values, skills, and behavior. Strong families manage and control their learning experiences. They establish a pattern of home life. They select appropriate television programs. They guide their children into the world outside the home. They do not let social forces rule their family life. They involve themselves in neighborhood, school, government, church, and business in ways that support their family values. Strong families teach by example and learn through experience as they explain and execute their values.
      学习-家庭是我们学习价值观、技能和行为的地方。强大的家庭管理和控制他们的学习经历。他们建立了一种家庭生活模式。他们选择合适的学习资料。他们引导他们的孩子进入家庭以外的世界。他们不让社会力量支配他们的家庭生活。他们参与社区、学校、政府、教会和商业活动，以支持他们的家庭价值观。强大的家庭以身作则，通过经验学习，解释和执行自己的价值观。

        Loyalty—Strong families have a sense of loyalty and devotion toward family members. The family sticks together. They stand by each other during times of trouble. They stand up for each other when attacked by someone outside the family. Loyalty builds through sickness and health, want and good fortune, failure and success, and all the things the family faces. The family is a place of shelter for individual family members. In times of personal success or defeat, the family becomes a cheering section or a mourning bench. They also learn a sense of give and take in the family, which helps prepare them for the necessary negotiations in other relationships.
       忠诚-强大的家庭对家庭成员有一种忠诚和忠诚的感觉。一家人团结在一起。他们在困难的时候站在一起。当受到家庭以外的人攻击时，他们会互相支持。忠诚是通过疾病和健康、不幸和好运、失败和成功以及家庭面临的一切来建立的。家庭是家庭成员的避风港。 在个人的成功或失败的时候，家庭成为一个分享喜悦的或分担痛苦的地方。他们还学会了对家庭给予和接受的感觉，这有助于他们为其他关系中的必要谈判做好准备。
       Love is at the heart of the family. All humans have the need to love and to be loved; the family is normally the place where love is expressed. Love is the close personal blending of physical and mental togetherness. It includes privacy, intimacy, sharing, belonging, and caring. The atmosphere of real love is one of honesty, understanding, patience, and forgiveness. Such love does not happen automatically; it requires constant daily effort by each family member. Loving families share activities and express a great deal of gratitude for one another. Love takes time, affection, and a positive attitude.
      爱是家庭的核心。所有的人都有爱和被爱的需要；家庭通常是表达爱的地方。爱是身体和精神的紧密结合。 它包括隐私，亲密，分享，归属和关心。真爱的气氛是诚实、理解、耐心和宽恕。这样的爱不是自动发生的。 它需要每个家庭成员每天不断的努力。爱的家庭分享活动，表达对彼此的感激之情。爱是需要时间、感情和积极的态度来培养。
     Laughter is good family medicine. Humor is an escape valve for family tension. Through laughter we learn to see ourselves honestly and objectively. Building a strong family is serious business, but if taken too seriously, family life can become very tense. Laughter balances our efforts and gives us a realistic view of things. To be helpful, family laughter must be positive in nature. Laughing together builds up a family. Laughing at each other divides a family. Families that learn to use laughter in a positive way can release tensions, gain a clearer view, and bond relationships.
     笑是家庭的良药。幽默是缓解家庭紧张的一种安全阀。通过笑声，我们学会了诚实客观地看待自己。建立一个强大的家庭是一件严肃的事情，但如果过于重视，家庭的氛围就会变得非常紧张。笑声平衡了我们的努力，让我们对事物有一个现实的看法。要想有所帮助，家庭中的笑在本质上必须是积极的。一起笑可以建立一个家庭。互相嘲笑使家庭分崩离析。学会以积极的方式使用笑声的家庭可以释放紧张关系，获得更清晰的视角，并建立良好的关系。
Leadership is essential. Family members, usually the adults, must assume responsibility for leading the family. If no one accepts this vital role, the family will weaken. Each family needs its own special set of rules and guidelines. These rules are based on the family members' greatest understanding of one another, not forces. The guidelines pass along from the adults to the children by example, with firmness and fairness. Strong families can work together to establish their way of life, allowing children to have a voice in decision making and enforcing rules. However, in the initial stages and in times of crisis, adult family members must get the family to work together.
领导力是必不可少的。家庭成员，通常是成年人，必须承担起领导家庭的责任。如果没有人接受这一重要角色，家庭的凝聚力就会变弱。每个家庭都需要自己的一套特殊的规则和准则。 这些规则是基于家庭成员对彼此的最大理解，而不是力量。这些指导方针是由成年人传给孩子们的， 具有坚定性和公正性。强大的家庭可以共同努力建立他们的生活方式，让孩子在决策和执行规则方面有发言权。然而，在初期阶段和危机时期，成年家庭成员必须让家庭成员一起工作。
Life Patterns of Strong Families
强势家庭的生活模式
        In studies conducted in the United States and around the world several characteristics of strong families were found. These qualities are:
        在美国和世界各地进行的研究中发现了强家庭的几个特征。这些特征是：
       Commitment. Members of strong families are devoted to the well-being and happiness of the other members. They value family unity. Commitment serves as a firm foundation for strong family relationships. This means that:· the family comes first.· work responsibilities come second.· each family member is precious.· bad times do not destroy relationships.· there is sexual faithfulness to the marriage partner.
forgiveness is readily available.· priorities must be established.· some sacrifices must be made.· some common goals must be shared.· traditions are established and cherished.· love is conditional.
      承诺。坚强的家庭成员致力于其他成员的满足感和幸福感。他们重视家庭的团结。承诺是稳固家庭关系的坚实基础，这意味着：家庭是第一位的；· 工作职责第二；每个家庭成员都是珍贵的；逆境不会破坏人际关系；对婚姻伴侣的忠诚；· 宽恕是容易得到的；· 家庭中必须确定优先事项；· 成员之间必须作出一些牺牲；· 必须有一些共同的目标；· 传统是建立和珍惜的；· 爱是有条件的。

       Appreciation. Members of strong families show and talk about their appreciation for one another. Along with our need for love, our most important human need is the need for appreciation. Some of why we work so hard in life is not so much motivation by money, power, or position; it is the desire to feel appreciated. And appreciation is vital in healthy families. Each family member's self-esteem is enhanced when he or she feels appreciated. Appreciation helps motivate all members to continue to behave positively toward one another. Appreciation in families means:
· looking for the positive instead of the negative.
· treating family members like our best friends.
· showing love in small ways every day.
· expressing lots of appropriate affection.
· saying, "I Love You" a lot.
· praising the accomplishments and strengths of family members.
· gracefully receiving compliments as well as giving them.
· creating a positive environment in the home.
· remembering and celebrating birthdays and special occasions.
       欣赏。坚强的家庭成员会互相表达和谈论他们对彼此的感激之情。除我们对爱的需求以外，我们最重要的需求就是欣赏。我们为什么在生活中如此努力，并不是对金钱、权力或地位的强烈追求。而是对被赏识的渴望。对健康的家庭来说，欣赏是至关重要的。当家庭成员感到被欣赏时，他们的荣誉感就会增强。欣赏有助于激励所有成员继续积极对待对方。对家庭的欣赏意味着：
· 寻找积极的而不是消极的。
· 像对待我们最好的朋友一样对待家庭成员。
· 每天用小的方式表达爱。
· 适时的表达自己的感情。
· 学会说“我爱你”。
· 赞扬家庭成员的成就和优点。
· 优雅地接受赞美以及给予赞美。
· 在家里创造一个积极的环境。
· 纪念和庆祝生日或是特殊场合。
       Communication. Members of strong families work at developing good communication skills and spend a lot of time talking with each other. They talk about the small, trivial things as well as the deep, important issues of life. Communication is the lifeblood of relationships. It is the way that love and other emotions are expressed. Relationships are played out in the context of communication. We cannot help but communicate, and it is largely up to us whether the communication in our families will be effective or ineffective. Effective communication means:
· being open and honest, yet kind.
· listening carefully, without distraction.
· checking the meaning of messages which are not clear.
· avoiding "mind-reading."
· walking a mile in the other person's shoes.
· trusting one another.
· avoiding criticizing, evaluating, and acting superior.
· dealing with one issue at a time.
· dealing with specifics rather than generalities.
· attacking the problem, not each other .
· having an understanding attitude.
       交流。强大的家庭成员致力于培养良好的沟通技巧，并花大量时间用于彼此交谈。他们谈论琐碎的事情，以及生活中深刻而重要的问题。 沟通是人际关系的命脉。也是表达爱和其他情感的方式。人际关系是在交流种表现出来的。我们的家庭沟通是有效的还是无效的，这在很大程度上取决于我们。有效的沟通手段：
· 开诚布公，但又和蔼可亲。
·学会聆听，聆听他们的心声。
· 及时沟通不理解的事项
· 避免“读心术”
· 学会换位思考
· 互相信任。
· 避免批评、评价和表现优越。
· 一次处理一个问题。
· 处理细节而不是泛泛而谈。
· 攻击问题，而不是互相攻击。
· 有一种理解的态度。
        Time together. Strong families spend time—quality time in large quantities—with each other. Some families may say, "We don't spend much time together as a whole family, but what little time we are together is quality time." The studies on strong families indicate that both quality and quantity are necessary for good relationship formation and maintenance. A lot of time together filled with bickering and arguing won't make for a strong family. Neither will small pieces of high-quality activity. Nurturing family relationships takes a lot of good times. Family memories are built around family activities, time spent together. Family time spent together:
· helps eliminate isolation, loneliness, and alienation.
· helps the family develop an identity—a group unity and a sense of their place in history.
· helps avoid the "fizzle and die" of some marriage relationships.
· enhances the communication process.
· allows opportunity to build on other family strengths.
       共同时间。强大的家庭会花大量的时间和对方在一起。有些家庭可能会说：“作为一个家庭，我们在一起的时间不多，但我们在一起的时间是美好的。“对强大的家庭的研究表明，良好的亲缘关系形成和维持既有质又有量。很多时间在一起，充满了争吵 争吵和争吵并不能造就一个强大的家庭。高质量的活动也不会。培育家庭关系需要很多美好时光。家庭记忆是围绕着家庭活动，在一起度过的。与家人在一起的时间：
· 有助于消除孤立、孤独和疏离。
· 帮助家庭发展一种身份或是一个群体的团结和他们在历史中的地位。
· 有助于避免婚姻关系的中的某些“失败和死亡”。
· 完善沟通过程。
· 允许有机会在其他家庭优势的基础上再接再厉。
         But what exactly are families to do when they are together? The answer is just about anything. They can share:· Mealtimes，House and yard chores， Picnics Camping Outdoor sports，Walking or hiking，· Indoor recreation, such as jigsaw puzzles, table games, or a favorite video Bowling or to the movies Religious services Scouting or 4-H activities School activities Special events like holidays and birthdays.
       但是，当家人在一起的时候，他们到底该做些什么呢？答案是什么都行。他们可以分享：一起进餐， 分担家务，野餐野营户外运动，· 步行或远足，· 室内娱乐，如拼图游戏，桌上游戏，或喜爱的视频保龄球或电影，宗教服务，侦察活动，学校活动，节日和生日等特别活动。
      Spiritual wellness. Whether they attend formal religious services or ceremonies or not, strong family members have a sense of a greater good or power in life, and that belief gives them strength and purpose. Spirituality is described by some as a force that helps us reach beyond ourselves and become a part of something larger than ourselves. Spirituality normally encompasses our better nature, the aspects of our lives which are most noble. Most people believe human beings have a spiritual dimension within them. Regardless of the way we describe our spirituality, we need to acknowledge and nurture our spiritual side. For many, spiritual principles help provide the answers to life's most perplexing questions, "What is life about?" and "Why am I here?" The spiritual dimension in families provides many possible benefits. Spirituality:
· helps family members maintain a positive outlook on life.
· provides guidelines for living.provides a sense of freedom and peace.
· offers support from people who share in a belief system.
· provides meaningful tradition and ritual.provides a spiritual heritage.
· vides an expression of character in everyday living.gives an areness of a divine    presence in life.
· helps families cope during times of trouble.
· encourages a sense of awe and reverence for life itself.
       精神健康。无论他们是否参加正式的宗教仪式，强大的家庭成员都有一种在生活更美好或更强大的感觉，这种信念给了他们力量和目标。灵性被一些人描述为一种力量，它帮助我们超越自我，成为比我们更伟大的事物的一部分。灵性 通常包括我们更好的本性，我们生活中最高尚的方面。大多数人相信人的内在有一个精神层面。无论我们如何描述我们的灵性，我们都需要承认和培养我们的精神一面。对许多人来说，精神原则有助于回答生活中最令人困惑的问题：“什么是生命？”和“为什么我在这里？”在家庭中的精神层面提供了许多可能的好处:
· 帮助家庭成员保持积极的人生观。提供生活指南。
· 提供了一种自由与和平的感觉。
· 提供来自于信仰系统中的人的支持。
· 提供有意义的传统和仪式。提供精神遗产。
· 在日常生活中提供了一种性格的表达。使人意识到生命中有一种神圣的存在。帮助家庭在困难时期应付。鼓励对生命本身的敬畏和尊敬。
      Coping ability. Members of strong families are able to view stress or crisis as an opportunity to grow and learn. They have good coping skills. A history of problem-solving increases our confidence that we can deal with most things that comes our way. A variety of coping strategies have been found in strong families, including the following:
       应付能力。强大的家庭成员能够将压力或危机视为成长和学习的机会。他们有很好的应对能力。解决问题的经历增加了我们的信心，使我们相信我们能够处理我们所遇到的大多数事情。在强大的家庭中发现了各种应对策略，其中包括：
       The ability to find something positive, in any situation and to focus on that positive element. Counselors refer to this as "reframing." It is the ability to see the rose rather than the thorns. A positive perspective allows us to cope with bad situations without becoming overwhelmed.
       在任何情况下都能找到积极的东西，并专注于积极的因素。专家将此称为“重构”。这是看到玫瑰而不是荆棘的能力。积极的观点使我们能够应付糟糕的情况，而不会不知所措。
      Family members unite and pull together when things get tough. No one individual within the family has to bear the total responsibility for resolving the situation. By sharing the responsibility, every family member can focus on the things he or she can do to help solve the problem.
     当事情变得艰难时，家庭成员就会团结起来。不会出现一个人必须承担解决这一情况的全部责任。通过分担责任，每个家庭成员都可以专注于他或她可以做的事情来帮助解决问题。
     Strong families get outside help when needed. While many problems or crises can be resolved within the family, strong families are smart enough to know when they are in over their heads. They are not hesitant to seek the assistance of outside resources, such as their church or synagogue, friends, neighbors, extended family, or helping professionals. Some crises seem so overwhelming that it takes a person from outside the family to help put things into perspective, to help the family get their lives back to manageable proportions.
      强大的家庭在需要的时候会得到外界的帮助。虽然许多问题或危机可以在家庭内部得到解决，但强大的家庭是足够聪明的，能够知道他们什么时候处于困境。而且他们会毫不犹豫地寻求外部资源的帮助，如他们的教堂或犹太教堂、朋友、邻居、大家庭或帮助专业人士。一些危机比较复杂且困难，以至于需要一个来自家庭之外的人来帮助他们把事情看得更清楚，帮助他们的生活恢复到可控的程度。
     Many families rely on their spiritual resources to get them through times of crises. Spiritual beliefs can help sustain people in times of trouble by providing a philosophy of life, by giving perspective, and by providing hope, comfort, and a sense of peace.
      许多家庭依靠他们的精神信仰来帮助他们度过危机时期。精神信仰可以在困难时期通过提供生活哲学、提供观点、提供希望、安慰、和平感来帮助人们走出困境。
      Open channels of communication make problem-solving easier. Crises are times of change and uncertainty, and family members may feel angry, anxious, fearful, depressed, or guilty. Effective communication allows members to express their feelings freely, which is an important part of surviving the crisis.
     开放的沟通渠道使解决问题变得更容易。危机是变化和不确定的家庭成员可能会感到愤怒、焦虑、恐惧、沮丧或内疚。有效的沟通使成员能够自由地表达自己的感受并获得家人的支持，重新获得力量，这是在危机中生存下来的一个重要部分。
       Flexibility is another important strategy that strong families use to help get through crisis situations. Strong families bend, change, and adapt, and when the storm is over they are still intact.
      灵活性是另一个重要的策略，强大的家庭用来帮助度过危机。强大的家庭会弯曲、改变和适应，当暴风雨结束时，他们仍然完好无损。
How Can You Strengthen Your Family
你改如何加强你的家庭？
      Although each of the six characteristics of strong families is important in and of itself, one does not work in isolation from the rest. All six qualities interact, overlap, connect, and reinforce each other in complex ways that form a net of strength. For example, a person who isn't committed to the family isn't likely to give much time to those relationships and may not feel the need to pull together with others, in a crisis or to improve communication. Families who spend time together reinforce commitment and communication. The expression of appreciation reinforces commitment. Effective communication is necessary in crisis resolution and in expressing appreciation. Spiritual wellness is a valuable key in coping with crises, appreciating the value of people, valuing time together, and in being committed to each other.
     虽然强大家族的六个特征中的每一个都是重要的，但他们的关系并不各自运作的，而是相互作用、重叠、连接和加强的。以复杂的方式相互加强，形成一个力量网。例如，一个不忠于家庭的人不太可能在这些关系上花太多时间，也可能不觉得需要与他人共同努力。，在危机中或改善沟通。花时间在一起的家庭加强了承诺和沟通。赞赏的表达加强了承诺。有效的沟通是解决危机和表达感激的必要条件。精神健康是应对危机、欣赏人的价值、珍惜时间的重要关键。 彼此承诺。
      Learning and understanding these six qualities of strong families is only the first small step in actually making our family relationships work happily together. Achieving these things to a high degree may well take the rest of our lives together. The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." You can begin your journey to a better family situation by, taking these initial steps.
      学习和理解强大家庭的这六种品质，只是真正让我们的家庭关系幸福相处的第一小步。实现这些事情在很高的程度上可能会把我们的余生连在一起。中国古代哲学家老子说：“千里之行，始于足下。”你可以通过这些最初的步骤来构造一个更好的家庭状况。
·Decide to make a special effort to make your family stronger by working on the six areas mentioned in this publication.
通过在本文中提到的六个方面作出特别努力，使你的家庭更加强大。
·Learn about family life, marriage, and parenting.
了解家庭生活、婚姻和育儿。
· Keep your priorities and values in mind.
维持你的优先事项和价值观。
      Most people value their families, although many people are not aware of the importance of improving their family life. It takes hard work to make a successful family. The work you put into making your family stronger, however, can be well worth the effort.
       虽然许多人不知道改善家庭生活的重要性，但大多数人都重视家庭。一个成功的家庭需要大量的时间及精力来维持。然而，你为使你的家庭更强大而付出的努力是值得的。

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Rupured，M.和Quick，S.(1989)。家庭活力：强家族的特点。H.E.7-138号出版物，肯塔基州大学合作推广服务。
Stinnett, N. and DeFrain, J. (1985). Secrets of strong families. Boston: Little, Brown and Company.
Stinnett，N.和DeFran，J.(1985)。强大家庭的秘密。波士顿：小，布朗和公司。
Published by: North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service
Written by: D. Wayne Matthews, Ph.D., North Carolina State University.
发表于：北卡罗来纳州合作推广服务，作者：D.韦恩.马修斯，博士，北卡罗莱纳州立大学。

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收藏并打印出来了，作为家庭会议的议题